I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
