Non-Jews are for practice
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
