I'm really into asian looking animals
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I enjoy the company of your penis
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