just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
