i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
