At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
