There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize