Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
