remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
