I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
