the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
