she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
