Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
