So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize