so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
