Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
