I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
