its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
