can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
