Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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