Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
