No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
