feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
