Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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