PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
