Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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