If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
