Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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