Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
