she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
a search helicopter?!
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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