if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize