Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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