I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
