So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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