The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
