Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
