Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
