in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
