Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
