Non-Jews are for practice
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
