Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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