Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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