That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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