he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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