Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
