I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
