You're my little dorito
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
