I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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