You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
