does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
