I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
