dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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