You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
