I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Randomize
