Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
A bitchslap is in order.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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