Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize