Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
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