i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
