you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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