Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
