Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
