Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
