omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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