please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
