Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
