Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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