Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
