that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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