your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
