Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize