a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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