why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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