JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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