He kissed a someone with a penis
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
