i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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