And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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