He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
