There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
