dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Randomize
