he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
