I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
