there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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