So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
