then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
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