direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
