Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
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