I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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