He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize