I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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